How I gave myself the ultimate period and what I took away from it

I’m so excited to bring this blog post to you. I can’t believe it’s taken me over a month to get my act together. But I really did want to process everything that happened before I poured it out to you guys. 

So last month I gave myself the ultimate period and it really was quite amazing. 

I think I’m going to struggle to put into words how incredible the experience really was, but here goes… 

Here’s a little bit of a back story to explain how I came to learn about the idea… 

A couple of years ago I went off the contraceptive pill and had a really tough time regulating my hormones and getting my cycle to balance out. I started learning more about the natural flow of our bodies and came across an interview with period coach Claire Baker on Juliet Allen’s Authentic Sex Podcast. 

Claire talks about the four different seasons of our cycle we go though within an average 28 day cycle: winter, spring, summer and autumn. Around day one to day six of our menstrual cycle when we are bleeding is the winter season, meaning we hibernate, move slower and allow ourselves to surrender to rest. From around day seven to 13, we enter spring, our pre-ovulation phase, coming out of hibernation feeling renewed and energised. From day 14 to 21, we enter summer, where our juices are flowing. Then from day 22, we enter autumn or our luteal phase where we start to wind down again in the lead up to winter. 

I loved everything she was talking about and when I started implementing this in my life, I noticed a huge difference. I think for so long I thought I was like an on/off switch- bleeding or not bleeding. And when I wasn’t bleeding, my energy levels and output should be consistent. Or even when I was bleeding, I still had to push through. Especially when I was working a corporate job. It was like I had to pretend that it wasn’t even happening. I wonder what that did for my body? When I was telling myself that this inner power of mine was really just an inconvenience. 

When Claire came to Australia last year touring her ‘Adore your cycle’ workshop, I jumped at the chance to learn more from her. 

It was at the workshop that I heard Claire talk about the idea of a ‘big bleed’. 

What is the ultimate period?

While we can slow our lives down somewhat during our period, there’s rarely a time where we can completely let go and not have to be ‘on’ at all. 

It involves getting intimate with the void. Standing (or laying) in nothingness, and seeing what comes up. 

I knew the power of rest during my winter phase. But life is still always there. I’ve never been able to completely switch off during my period. Nowhere to be, nothing to do. No responsibilities. To completely surrender. 

Entering the cave

My holiday was booked in, and when I checked my Flo app, I realised my period would align and this was my chance. 

I set off on the day my period was due. I had a cold and I felt miserable. I had been working so hard in the lead up to my holiday. I was really run down. 

My period was a couple of days late (which is very unusual for me). I went for a walk Friday afternoon and when I returned to the Airbnb, I was greeted with the first spot. So I settled in for the night. 

Over Saturday and Sunday, I just did nothing. I read books and watched movies. I read My Dark Vanessa and watched Normal People on Stan. Both quite deep, intense and emotional. Which suited how I was feeling. But I didn’t want to fill up my time with things, or numb myself by getting lost in other worlds. I really wanted to see what would come up for me in my stillness. At times, I just laid on the couch or in bed, just breathing deeply, one hand on my womb space. I cried, I slept.

I had prepared meals from my client The Grassroots Chef, I had snacks and everything was taken care of. I was held, and in a safe space.

My body went into a heavy coma like state. I had no idea how tired and overrun I was. I had been pushing through to get the work done and not really letting myself feel into my body. 

And now that I could finally feel it, I could feel it a lot. 

While I felt heavy and tired, I surprisingly had very minimal period pain. Maybe my period pain comes when I’m trying to push through, or push it down. 

I moved really slowly. At times, I did feel guilty and found myself reaching for my laptop to jot down ideas or think of things I needed to do for the business. So I tried to just note the feeling, and surrender some more. 

I also found that I wasn’t craving sugar like I usually would. I had small amounts of vegan chocolate. But usually I’d want so much more. Which made me question if it’s numbing tool or a pick me up when I need to keep pushing through. 

What came up for me

In retreating, I did find that I craved connection. I felt my defensive walls come down, and I found that feelings of regret came up for not prioritising this more in my life. While I love my work, I don’t want to turn around one day and wish things were different. I guess maybe when work wasn’t there for this time, I was searching for what I really want. 

After the weekend, I then started to take the period cave out. I think the rules kind of go that you should be retreating, but I really wanted to listen to my body and what it was asking. 

I was really craving being in nature. So I’d buy myself a green juice and head to the park to read my book on a picnic blanket, or lay on the beach. I still kept the ‘cave’ principles, staying within, staying grounded and moving slowly. 

And my god, it felt so good to soak up the beach. It felt so restorative and healing.

Feeling renewed

My period only lasts for three days. I know though that I have to be careful not to jump into things. I still have to honour the end of my winter and continue resting. Otherwise, I feel it in the rest of my cycle.

I did find though that as my period ended, my body was feeling more energised. 

My body was moving and dancing, I just found myself dancing around the apartment, shaking my hips and letting it flow. I felt super comfortable in my body, not bloated.

Now for the most exciting part of the big bleed… 

The revelation

In researching big bleeds, nearly everyone I came across had a big ‘revelation’ during the time. So many spoke about listening to their bodies and having something come up for them. Whether it be a next step, or a truth they had been searching for. 

I listened, and waited. 

I have loved the Sunshine Coast for a while now. When my fiancee and I split up four years ago, I used to take my dog to Currimundi Beach on my days off. It was my ‘me time’ and I loved it. Since then, the Sunny Coast has held a special place in my heart. 

And I just heard this soft voice whispering ‘You need to move here’. 

I don’t know what it was, but I had this knowing deep down that this was my next step. That my health and my business would thrive here. I could enjoy the beach everyday. I would love the lifestyle and energy of the coast. I would be in a happy and healthy headspace to promote my art on social media. I would be inspired for creative ideas. And I would meet people to propel my business even further. 

It was a feeling deep in my core, I knew this was what I had to do. 

I had no idea how I would make it happen, but I was going to lean in and trust the universe. 

I felt clear and focused. And so beautifully energised. 

I was really nervous coming back home to Toowoomba to talk to my girlfriend I had been planning on moving in with. When I started the business two years ago, I moved home with my parents to save money and allow things to grow naturally. I had been planning on moving in with a girlfriend in a similar situation. And I really didn’t want to let her down. I know how much she loves the beach though and I remembered her saying she didn’t want to stay in Toowoomba forever, so I thought maybe there was a chance… 

We caught up for coffee and I said to her, “You know how you said you don’t want to live in Toowoomba forever…?” She looked up at me and said, “Are you going to ask me to move to the Sunshine Coast?” We both just started tearing up and hugged! It was like it was meant to be. We had totally manifested it. 

So there’s the big news! I’m moving to the Sunny Coast. I’m currently finalising my taxes and once that’s sorted, we’ll be applying for places. 

I can’t wait for this next chapter. 

Right now, I can feel myself getting overrun again. Work has piled up since I’ve been back and I know I need to allow space. Once I get through this mountain of work, I’m going to take a bit of a break from client work to focus on the move and creating my next print collection. I’ve got some savings to fall back on and I also really hope I get approved for a $5k arts grant I applied for to help with the next collection. 

I am sad to leave Toowoomba, but I will always be a Toowoomba gal at heart. And my next print collection will still be launched here with an exhibition party. My goal will always be to support the small businesses here, and help them to thrive.

I hope you enjoyed reading this. I’m so grateful I got to have this experience.  

It really is my hope that every woman or person who bleeds can experience a big bleed at least once in their lifetime. 

Also, this is the piece I created which was inspired by my big bleed. ‘Cave’ is a monthly limited print and will only be available until the end of July.